When the full realization of the journey we have embarked on hits me.
No matter how tired I am, or how frazzled my nerves are, she is still needy.
There will be nobody coming to pick her up and take her home with them; I am not just her babysitter.
When she cries out at 2am, I cannot simply pull the covers over my head and make it go away.
My needs and wants no longer come first.
It is still a tough pill to swallow.
One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. Whatever I need to do.
Thank God for that smile. It will be my saving grace.
C.-I have been really enjoying reading your blog posts! This one resonated with me alot. I often times felt (feel) like I'm alone in feeling this way. Please know you are not alone and it is not wrong that you feel this way. I'm pretty sure it's normal, we are no longer number one, but it has helped me alot to know my limits, to pay attention to my mood, and to know when I NEED to put myself first. It isn't selfish or wrong, I look at it as taking a mommy-time-out to recharge. I get out of the house by. my. self. and sometimes aimlessly shop or even just drive the truck around with the radio really loud. Can't wait to meet E.! Miss you all.
ReplyDeleteI often wonder why it is that we feel so alone, when upon talking with pretty much any woman who has children, we come to find out they have felt the exact same way at some point in time. I think it is because nobody (myself included) wants to talk about those feelings, because at least for me, it makes me feel inadequate, and like I am a bad mother if I can't handle it all every second of the day. Which, of course, is not true, it just makes us human :) I think my first week alone with E. after C. went back to work consisted of me thrusting her at him as soon as he walked through the door and saying "I have to run to the store!" , just so I could be by myself for awhile. It honestly saved me from plenty of meltdowns! I hope we can all get together this summer; I am looking forward to meeting Bee also!
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